What in interesting question. Most often I hear people ask what they would like to hear God say to them, rather than what their excuse will be. I suppose a simple shit-eating grin won't cut the mustard there, eh? It'll probably end up being some variation on "you're God, YOU figure it out!" At which point I'll be hurled into the lake of fire, there to spend eternity mulling over better ways to address the diety, where I went wrong in life and why bell-bottoms were ever in fashion. 

My first reaction would be "Holy Shit! They were all right! There is a God! Or I'm on drugs. No, I'm not on drugs, I'm dead. Holy Shit!"

ThenI would ask a few philisophical questions like "If you're all-powerful, all good and all-knowing, why is there so much evil in the world?" And maybe a few others that have been niggling at my brain, plus a few about Pat Robertson, and people who fight holy wars, and what happens to people of different religions.

Then I would grovel like a pathetic worm.

God helps those who help themselves".

Where is that found in the scriptures?

If you have made a mistake on this portion of God's Word surely you better hope you have NOT made a mistake on standing before Him one day!

preacherman

"you're God, YOU figure it out!"

I like it! As for the bell-bottoms, there's probably a circle of hell specially reserved for fashion designers.

My first reaction would be "Holy Shit! They were all right! There is a God! Or I'm on drugs. No, I'm not on drugs, I'm dead. Holy Shit!"

Yeah, I imagine it might come as a bit of a shock. Especially if there turns out to actually be a 'holy shit' who you accidentally summon...
I'm not sure asking smartass philosophical questions is going to get you redemption, but I guess it's worth a try.

Where is that found in the scriptures?

Arest thou nost familiar with that most sacred of scriptures, that of the holy old women? Seeketh truth and it shall be found, sayeth the Lord. I have sought, and I have found, sayeth the seeker of truth. Become the seeker, and the truth shall come unto you like the dawn unto a new day, for such is the will of the Lord.

That all depends on what actually happening to my spirit as the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinnacle on my snout:

If the atheists are right, I won't say anything because, well, I'd Dead.

If the Budists are right, then I'll be somewhere in the ether preparing for my next trip through as a girl, a tree, or a single blade of grass.

If the Militant arm of the Muslims are right, I guess there will be 72 lonely virgins because I doubt Allah would be too keen on giving me any after Desert Storm and all those troops I trained who are now going after Bin Laden.
If the passive Muslims are right, well, no 72 Virgins for this Christian man anyway.. right?
If the Pagans are right, then I'll enjoy the ride through the cosmos as part of the collective consciousness.

If the Christians are right, then I'll be very glad that I counted myself as one of them and embrace Christ, and join Him at the right hand of God, as promised in the book of Revelation.

Of course if the Heaven's Gate folks were right, we all missed our last chance to don Nikes and off ourselves in order to catch the last UFO out of Dodge, following the Hale Bop Comet. Curse my aversion of suicide!!!! ;~D

I like it! As for the bell-bottoms, there's probably a circle of hell specially reserved for fashion designers.

And if Coctoblasta is right, I'd better hope that my salvation is not determined by my choice of jeans in the 70s (If they are, then those triangles I had my mom sew in the outer seams from knee down, will get me cast far into the depths of outer darkness)!!!! ;~D

I'm not sure asking smartass philosophical questions is going to get you redemption, but I guess it's worth a try.

Well, I wouldn't want to go to hell without getting all (or some) of the answers first. I gotta have something to think about for eternity.

That all depends on what actually happening to my spirit as the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinnacle on my snout: If the atheists are right, I won't say anything because, well, I'd Dead. If the Budists are right, then I'll be somewhere in the ether preparing for my next trip through as a girl, a tree, or a single blade of grass. If the Militant arm of the Muslims are right, I guess there will be 72 lonely virgins because I doubt Allah would be too keen on giving me any after Desert Storm and all those troops I trained who are now going after Bin Laden. If the passive Muslims are right, well, no 72 Virgins for this Christian man anyway.. right? If the Pagans are right, then I'll enjoy the ride through the cosmos as part of the collective consciousness. If the Christians are right, then I'll be very glad that I counted myself as one of them and embrace Christ, and join Him at the right hand of God, as promised in the book of Revelation. Of course if the Heaven's Gate folks were right, we all missed our last chance to don Nikes and off ourselves in order to catch the last UFO out of Dodge, following the Hale Bop Comet. Curse my aversion of suicide!!!! ;~D

I don't know if you quite understood the question I was asking... but thanks for the insight into your personality anyway!

Well, I wouldn't want to go to hell without getting all (or some) of the answers first. I gotta have something to think about for eternity.

True. I'd still probably go the "beg first, ask questions later" route. Damnation for asking too many questions is so 13th century.

True. I'd still probably go the "beg first, ask questions later" route. Damnation for asking too many questions is so 13th century.

Well, he's probably used to people asking these questions. With how many billions of people dead, he's probably seen them all. Plus, it's not like I'm gonna stump a supreme being. But I would probably want to know first, just in case the begging doesn't work.

Then I would grovel like a pathetic worm.

And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of men that have trangressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched, and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh.

preacherman

And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of men that have trangressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched, and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh. preacherman

Uhm, thanks? Is that Isiah 12:1 or something?

Close, but when you are dealing with eternity, close ain't good enough.

preacherman

ThenI would ask a few philisophical questions like "If you're all-powerful, all good and all-knowing, why is there so much evil in the world?"

"Therefore hearken unto me, ye men of understanding: far be it from God, that he should do wickedness; and from the Almighty, that he should commit iniquity. For the work of a man shall he render unto him, and cause every man to find according to his ways. Yea, surely God will not do wickedly, neither will the Almighty pervert judgment."

preacherman

I suppose my "excuse" will be the same one I usually use: I am (was) only human.