Dull thoughts on a shiny, shiny world.
A new dictionary for the 21st century
Published on November 16, 2004 By cactoblasta In Misc
I'm sure we've all come across those confounding symbols of the modern workplace, those horrific sentences which turn the mind into cream cheese and stupefy everyone cursed with their presence. I speak, of course, of weasel words, the words of the modern bureaucracy and the marketplace. Consider this gem of marketing genius:

But when you have a complex customer service challenge or marketing campaign that needs expertise from several areas of your company, a great team can step up to the plate and come up with never could have been implemented - much less conjured - by one person alone.
-Entrepeneur.com

Inexplicable? Perhaps not. Unnecessary? Certainly.

But fret not, readers. For a new book has come onto the market which aims to sweep away the horrors of bureaucratese and apply a humorous and clear translation of all these terms - the ones in italics are all in the book. It's name is Watson's Dictionary of Weasel Words, Contemporary Cliches, Cant & Management Jargon, written by Don Watson, Knopp, 2004. Check it out if you have any interest in this sort of thing. It's well worth a look.

By the way, I'm not being paid anything to advertise this; I just really like the concept and what I've read from the dictionary.

Comments
on Nov 16, 2004
I thought those were all Dilbertisms?? You see them among staff officers in the military all the time, complete with ass cheesey Powerpoint slides.
on Nov 16, 2004
Dilbertism? Maybe that's the American term for it. It's bullshit either way and deserves to be ridiculed and stamped out.
on Nov 17, 2004
complete with ass cheesey Powerpoint slides.


...and laser pointers that look like pens.

deserves to be ridiculed and stamped out


...and the sooner the better. I going to order a copy of the book right now. Thanks for the info...
on Nov 17, 2004
Here's the entry for PowerPoint:

Powerpoint

Microsoft's presentation software; hundreds of millions sold and mainly used to present slide nights with intellectual pretensions, sales pitches dressed up as analysis and argument. Also used in schools as a substitute for writing essays.
Colin Powell used Powerpoint to present the case for invading Iraq at the United Nations. But Edward R. Tufte says it is possible that the misuse of PowerPoint is diminishing cognitive ability. It is certain it has done nothing for writing.

'PowerPoint allows speakers to pretend that they are giving a real talk and audiences to pretend that they are listening. This prankish conspiracy against substance and thought should always provoke the question, Why are we having this meeting?' - Edwarde R. Tufte, The Cognitive Style of Powerpoint, 2003

'As we see in the organisational overview slide, four score and seven years ago brought forth on this continent a new nation ... Next slide please ... and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, next slide please, shall not perish from the earth.' - Peter Norvig (after Abraham LIncoln) - www.norvig.com


The whole thing's ridiculous.
on Nov 17, 2004
Yup, with you all the way. I recently had to organise an prize-giving for young medical researchers. I thought they'd all basically stand up in front of the judging panel and audience and speak. But no, everyone of them had a prepared presentation complete with 'visual aides' (what is that - a new disease of the eyes?). Suffice to say, a lot of the presentations weren't prepared properly and there were some very unhappy presenters by the end of the day. The most popular phrase I heard all day was "but it worked on my PC".
on Nov 21, 2004
I might have to be proactive and purchase this book---perhaps it will increase emplyee morale and productivity. My team members must set goals!