Dull thoughts on a shiny, shiny world.
Why worship a god who's a bit of a wanker?
Published on February 13, 2008 By cactoblasta In Religion
I found a great little analogy on a fellow JUer's blog today. The poster was, of course, KFC, she who kicks for Christ, a professed occupation on which you can be quite sure I entirely deny judgement.

Here it is, beloved reader:

Sin is likened to yeast. Basically what yeast does is corrupt the dough. That's what would happen if sin is left unchecked. It would eventually spread and all would be affected.


This little analogy got me thinking. Firstly, I spent a few moments remembering why I love analogies - they're always so hopelessly useless at explaining anything to anyone raised in this world. Who, raised on a 24-hour diet of advertising, advertorial and blatant propaganda, doesn't cynically pick the holes in everything they see or hear?*

But after that small moment of mental masturbation (big hello to google readers with odd interests) I thought about the problems with this analogy, and the flaws it reveals in the minds of those who think it's remotely adequate.

Here's it again, for the lazy of scrolling (you'll go to hell for your sloth, but at least there's no rain):

Sin is likened to yeast. Basically what yeast does is corrupt the dough. That's what would happen if sin is left unchecked. It would eventually spread and all would be affected.


The big point here is that virtue is portrayed as being as dull and unappetising as bread dough. Where's the warm fuzzies? It should at least be cookie dough. I don't know anyone who doesn't get at least a little buzz from doing good things for other people (even if they restrict their targets enormously).

Moving along, the other striking thing is that while yeast may corrupt the dough, without that corruption you wouldn't have bread. I know I'd rather have bread than dough or yeast.

Granted, unleavened bread has its fans, but I rather think God was probably into more interesting people. Why create yeast if he didn't want to make bread?

I'm happy with the idea of a whimsical and scatterbrained deity - it would explain a lot - but why worship the kind of celestial being who, were they a mere mortal, be constantly losing their car keys?

You may as well worship the postal service (the messengers, not the twee mid-00s band...although come to think of it, Dirty Apartment Complex was quite a good song...) for all the good it will do.

You see, as I've said before, I have serious reservations about the idea you should worship something just because it made you. In a strictly biological sense, my parents made me, but it's hardly deserving of worship. Any two humans of appropriate sex can figure out the process with a little commitment and application. They may not do it well, but that's neither here nor there and not an aspersion I'd like cast upon my illustrious family, thank you very much.

A creator god is just that - a creator god. We can choose to worship it, but I hardly see why it's necessary unless you particularly like the god and think, in the un-campest way possible, that's it's just divine.

If you happen to think the creator is a bit of a meddlesome wanker I don't see why not worshipping it isn't a righteous and virtuous choice.

As an omnipotent being, if it really wanted everyone to be its friend it's just going to have to learn that the best friends are won, not bought with gifts and coerced with threats of rather hefty violence.

So no, I'm not inclined to the view that a god who only likes bread without yeast is worth worshipping, and therefore the ideas and proposed punishments of such a being are irrelevent to me. Can you imagine spending eternity in the company of someone you detest just because it'll reduce your pain? Where's the morals in that one, kiddies? On the other hand, a god that likes leavened bread is a bit interesting and could well be a barrel of laughs. But that's for another time.

* Well, sure, boring people don't, but let's not raise that spectre shall we? I'd like to think all my readers (both of you!) are inherently interesting.
Comments
on Feb 13, 2008
Granted, unleavened bread has its fans, but I rather think God was probably into more interesting people. Why create yeast if he didn't want to make bread?


First of all, unleavened bread makes me fart like a bugle. I don't know why this is important, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Secondly, and more importantly, if there is a God, I like to think he came up with yeast so we could invent beer. In my opinion, bread came after beer, so we'd have something to toast and put our bacon on while we nurse our hangovers.
on Feb 13, 2008

First of all, unleavened bread makes me fart like a bugle. I don't know why this is important, but I thought I'd share it anyway.


It's so important that I can immediately see the article must be entirely rewritten. If only I wasn't so Slothful...


Secondly, and more importantly, if there is a God, I like to think he came up with yeast so we could invent beer. In my opinion, bread came after beer, so we'd have something to toast and put our bacon on while we nurse our hangovers.


Why didn't I see that? Probably because a hangover is keeping me at home on a flex day today. It's so easy to forget the booze when you suffer its consequences.
on Feb 13, 2008
Probably because a hangover is keeping me at home on a flex day today.


Lucky you. Me, I'm sitting at work not nursing a thing. In fact, I'm feeling so damn chipper I think I might be coming down with something.

It's so easy to forget the booze when you suffer its consequences.


Or you can choose to remember the booze and eventually forget your own name (and how to shower, dress, eat right etc.)
on Feb 13, 2008

Interesting fact about yeast- it's the most simplistic eukaryotic organism.  I'm a nerd.

~Zoo

on Feb 13, 2008
I like beer.

Does that mean I like yeast?

There's one kind of yeast I HATE. And it has nuttin to do with beer, bread, or God. Well maybe beer......buwhahahaha.

Gross.
on Feb 13, 2008
Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?


A: A quarter pounder with cheese.
on Feb 13, 2008
I'm a nerd


Yes, you are ::

Tova, I bet Cacto hadn't thought of this one either and I am sure that thinking about it won't help his hangover.

:: at Roy
on Feb 14, 2008
Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?


Q: What do you call a French anorexic with a yeast infection?


A: A royale with cheese.

~Zoo
on Feb 14, 2008
Tova: Hopefully that's not the kind of yeast KFC was talking about, but if so maybe it should be kept away from the dough to protect the delicate sensibilities of the sane.

So like, if I sin just a little I'm going to blow up with yeast?


I think being smote with divine fire is the traditional punishment, but maybe yeast infections are God's way of telling you to slow down on the sin front.